Love.

"'If I weren't so damn attracted to him, maybe I would leave.' And this is true. But I don't tell her the real problem. There's something deeply wrong with me if I'm so attracted to someone who can't have a relationship, someone who can't love me, who can't even love himself. I've learned at this point there's no shot I can receive, no pill I can take, no therapy I can be a part of that will give me the resolve to do the things I need to do to be loved. It's a choice. A simple choice. I say I want intimacy. I say I want to be loved. But really, I'm petrified. The straight truth is, I don't know if I have it in me, and I'm scared to find out that I can't."

[I'm not good at this]
[At what?]
[At having a real relationship. I get jumpy...Im afraid I might freak out. Do something stupid... I may fuck up this whole thing.]

"I close my eyes and listen to him breathing. How lovely that sound is. Maybe, I think, I don't have to be great at this;maybe I just have to be good enough."