I'm sick so I get to rant.

The past few days have been pretty brutal. I don't get sick too often, but when I do, it really throws me for a loop.

I woke up at 2:00 am a few mornings ago to a text asking me if I was awake. Yes I am awake because my beeping phone just woke me up. Now it's not that I don't like getting text messages super late..in fact there is a certain someone whom I would love to receive a text or call from any time of day or night. But really from you it is a slap in the face. I resent that the only time you suddenly have the urge to hang out is after a late drunken night at the bars or a show. I have really needed a friend lately, and you can't manage to be that for me.

[Funny thing is after you texted me, all I wanted to do was talk to him]

I miss him. a lot. And this has been harder than I thought it would be. I find myself reaching for the phone and then remembering that "space" does not entail a barrage of texts. Self-sabotage is the name of the game.

To top things off- I have not been able to eat or drink much of anything for the past few days, so today I decided I would treat myself to venti chai latte...I managed get out of my pajamas, throw on a hoodie, and semi fix my gross hair and head to the drive-up starbucks. Now, even though I don't really have a voice right now, I figured I could get out those 2 words: venti chai. I even practiced on my way. venti chai venti chai....Long story short those words proved to be too difficult, and I sat at the intercom while the person taking my order kept asking, "what???" and a man outside gardening laughed as he watched me strain in agony all for a silly starbucks drink.

I finally did get my chai though, and it is delicious. maybe things will start looking up:)

Holding my ground

Everything I would say to you would come out wrong anyway.

And I don't play those games.