Lead me home.

Eeek! Almost Christmas! Wrapped presents today (horribly I might add) and watched Polar Express! Can't wait to see Mo and Sadie and Steph and Katie and Monica and Michael and Tanner! And my fabulous date,John John:)
Time to go to work and close- boo. But I don't even care! I am gonna be so stinkin nice to every grumpy customer! Because Christmas is about so much more than buying silly crap at Urban, but that part is fun too!

I think your love is gonna lead me home.

Serenity

You know, my life is not perfect right now- far from it, in fact. But I am oddly at peace. A peace I have been searching for for a long time. I like that I can finally breathe without feeling the hurt deep inside my lungs. I like that I can smile and mean it.

Good to be back.

"Goodnight duuude."
"Shut up."
"It's good to have you back."
"Shut up." (I love you)

My brother is better than yours.

This is happiness

To whom it may concern.

At approximately 4:00a.m on December 13, 2009, I came to my senses.

Love.

"'If I weren't so damn attracted to him, maybe I would leave.' And this is true. But I don't tell her the real problem. There's something deeply wrong with me if I'm so attracted to someone who can't have a relationship, someone who can't love me, who can't even love himself. I've learned at this point there's no shot I can receive, no pill I can take, no therapy I can be a part of that will give me the resolve to do the things I need to do to be loved. It's a choice. A simple choice. I say I want intimacy. I say I want to be loved. But really, I'm petrified. The straight truth is, I don't know if I have it in me, and I'm scared to find out that I can't."

[I'm not good at this]
[At what?]
[At having a real relationship. I get jumpy...Im afraid I might freak out. Do something stupid... I may fuck up this whole thing.]

"I close my eyes and listen to him breathing. How lovely that sound is. Maybe, I think, I don't have to be great at this;maybe I just have to be good enough."

For Caroline.

I cannot stop thinking about Caroline. I hadn't even seen her since I went to Loveland High, but the news still shook me to the core.

I was always quite miserable at Loveland High, surrounded by all the silly plastic girls and dumb jock boys, but I always remember being able to look at Caroline and see in her eyes that she kinda understood. That she had a little misery inside too. She was one of the the few people I knew there that was real. Even if that meant not plastering on a fake smile and and an even faker tan.

I guess it's also scary to know that someone who on the surface seems so put together can be hurting so badly inside. I cannot fathom what was eating away at that beautiful dear girl so much that she had to end it all. I wish she could have heard the words, "me too." I wish I could have sat with her and held her and cried with her. I wish I could have swallowed up just little of her pain.

So Caroline, I truly hope you have found peace. It's what we are all looking for in this life, and I know that life can be awful and cruel and unfair. Know that you affected me even so many years ago. Know I understand and that you've given me strength to get through the bad days. Thank you.

"We never touch people so lightly that we do not leave a trace."

Thank you

Just a moment of true gratefulness.
I have such good friends and family that never leave my side.
I am finally feeling hopefull again and I couldn't have gotten to this point without them.

Life is about people. We are such amazing creatures capable of so much good. Life can be overwhelmingly challenging and scary, but we all share in this experience that is being human.

Thank you just doesn't seem like enough.

Please just...